Self Confession

There is no limit and no boundary to happiness,
Whoever said that we cannot have everything we want- was wrong
Why not? Why can't I have everything?
Why can't I dedicate my life to the pursuit of making myself happy?
Why is it a selfish sin to want nothing but joy?
Within me, I feel the limitless surge of possibilities
My energy has broken free and is catapulting in unknown directions
All ends are possible and impossible equally
I want to dance, create, sing, explore and evolve all at once
Why must we limit ourselves to one plan, one inevitability?
Everything that is meant to happen- will
Regardless of our struggle strife or surrender- regardless of suffering
Regardless of sacrifice
And all of it will happen, in its own good time
For its own good reason-

I don't know where down the line I decided that I NEED TO MAKE MYSELF HAPPY
I need to take myself in this body to the ends of the earth- all the places I can possibly go,
I say this with shameless selfishness and I accept that now, I'm not a bad person
I may not be the kindest, most beautiful, most humble…but I want this life
I want its mountains and its oceans- I want its liberty and the resonance of what has been
And what is yet to be- I want to create my own frequencies-and release them…

Every once in a while there is a shift in the cosmos, something has happened,
Perhaps one single tendril of my being has touched something wonderful-
Something I can't see yet- something I don't recognize
But in the breeze, and with the dawn, there is a feeling
Like…another nail has shot free off the board- or, and I'm trying to explain this as best as I can in this very moment- but capturing this invisible illusive electricity in words is…
Like…the space between darkness and dawn- just a bit surreal-
Is it happening to me? Am I really here? Where have I come-
This is my skin, my clothes, my hands …but it's all changing…

I feel, like I have been given a second chance at life,
There are things in the past that were strangling me, cutting off the air
And I think I was dying- but unconsciously- all the same…

I can't express how I feel anymore. Words are just not enough.