Intezaar

Tere har jawaab ka intezaar hume aaj bhi hai
Tere har sawaal ka intezaar hume aaj bhi hai

Tere haseen chehre me chupi,
Us pyaari muskaan ka intezaar hume aaj bhi hai

Tere un zulfon ki bheeni mehak ka
Wo mere maathe pe girti lato ka intezaar hume aaj bhi hai

Hanjuo ki baarish yeh rukti nahi
Par teri us nadaan hasi ka intezaar hume aaj bhi hai

Tanha ho gaya yeh dil Bhatak raha yeh man mera
Par teri baahon me simatne ka intezaar hume aaj bhi hai

Akeli raho par nikal pada hoon main
Par teri ek pukaar ka intezaar hume aaj bhi hai

Intezaar hai ki kab aayegi maut hume
Fir bhi teri raza ka intezaar hume aaj bhi hai

Marne ke baad bhi aankehin khuli rahi meri
Shaayad tere deedar ka intezaar hume aaj bhi hai ...

Undying Love

Another of my night passing slowly. I am surprised how these nights have become so weary like my tired soul. As I lay in my bed, thinking about my life. The night getting darker and darker with no traces of sleep in my eyes. When the world is drowned into the calmness of the moonlight, my mind is engulfed with all the thoughts of just how to survive this one more night, survive these emotions, survive this everlasting pain.

As I fight the battle with the uneasiness of my heart, suddenly my brain starts another war  showering questions to me. WHY? Did I love her less, was it not enough. Or was it that I cudnt let her read my heart. Did I not accept her way of life, her past, her present, her lies and her fables. I did. All of it. Then WHY?

Where do I go from here. Where is the road to my sanity. Where do I find my peace and solace.
My life has always been full of choices to make. This time yet again I stand at a fork where all I see is a dead end. My eyes straining hard to see the horizon  being unaware of the ever growing darkness nowhere close to the dawn. Will the sun shine. Ever.

While I try to divert my mind it shoots another question. WHY NOT? Why can't I forget her. Why can't I just kill the love within. I have been lied to so many times. Heard many stories with so much conviction  hard to not believe them. Seen things with my very own eyes still.... WHY NOT.

My heart wants to believe everything. Every word. Every action. My mind and my eyes pull me away!

"You fool" says my mind.
"Can't you see" says my eyes.
"You love her" says my heart.

This war within is ripping me apart.
How do I bring truce within me?
How do I breathe?
How do I live? .....

Memory Lane

This silent night, this night like few

I sit and write , a poem new

About old friends, and new friends too

Memories good and bad, I quietly brew

It started with a morning bright

A face, a whisper, those eyes like night

And lightning struck me as I stared

But at that point I hardly cared.

The years ahead, were filled with light

My life reduced, to one desire

I floated in those pools of flames

they called them eyes, I called them fire.

And then one day the sky grew dark

The face was gone, the eyes were shut

The lightning left an ugly mark

A sinking feeling, Deep in my gut

The years that came, I won't regret

They broke me down and built me new

The pools of flame were now a threat

The fires out and darkness grew

And here I am, in a pitch dark room

A different man, a different heart

The stones of wisdom in my hands

Trying hard to light, another spark!!

Woh Raat Fir Ek Baar

Aaj fir us jagah par khada hoon jahaan kuch 8 saal pehle apni zindagi ke sawaalo ka jawaab dhoonda tha.

Woh hi chai ka glass woh hi bench woh hi ciggerate ka packet aur dheemi sulagti aag. Woh hi raat ka andhera meri zindagi ki tarah aur woh raat ke sannate ko cheerti traffic ki duur ek halki aawaz. Woh hi halki baarish ki boondein aur woh hi halki aankhon me nami.

Us raat ka dard ajeeb tha. Waisa hi kuch dard aaj bhi seene me uth raha hai. Raat ki is tanhayi me bhi aisa lag raha hai jaise na jaane kitna shor ho. Baahar yeh kisi ko kyon sun nahi raha. Kahin yeh shor mere andar to nahi.  Bohot koshish kar raha hoon is shor me apni aawaz sun jaye kahin. Baar baar apne kaano ko apne haath se dhakta hoon ke shaayad yeh aawaz band ho jaaye. Kitne sawaal hai is shor me. Kahaan dhoondo in sawaalo ka jawaab. Kaise band karu in aawazo ko. Yeh kisi aur ki nahi. Mere hi andar ki aawaz hai jo mere ko jhinjhod rahi hai.

Aaj fir bhaagna chahata hoon. Kahin door in awazo se.  Dil ka dard aisa ki nikaal pheko isko bahar kahin. Nahi isko bardasht karna mumkin.

Phone baj raha hai. Pooch rahein hain ki kahan hoon main. Kya jawaab doon ki kahan hoon main jab main khud apne aapko dhoondh raha hoon. Raat ke is andhere me chand ki is roshni me kahan dhoondo apne aap ko.

Kal fir ek subah hogi. Kal fir muskuraunga main. Kal fir zindagi waapis chal padegi lekin kya main in sawaalo ko suljha paunga. Ya fir kal raat yahin baith kar is sannate me apne andar ke shor ko sununga.

Duniya se shaayad bhaag paaunga lekin apne aap se bhaag kar kahan jaunga.